Back to Basics

...three powerful little words.

So powerful, in fact, "I see you" moves me more than "I love you."

I was recently reminded of this phrase when a friend brought up the blockbuster hit, "Avatar." In the movie, the native people of the alien world Pandora say to each other, "I see you" as greeting as well as an expression of empathy. Simple yet magical, it almost gave me goose bumps when I heard it.

"I see you" is not a distant glance; it's much deeper than that. To be seen is to be understood; you need not further explain. To be seen is to be vindicated; your presence is meaningful to another. To be seen is to be accepted; your heart shines through, no matter how many veils life has hung around you.

If I am in a doctor's office, I want to be seen. If I am at a social function or volunteering for a charitable event, I want to be seen. Even if I am alone in the woods, I want to be seen. I want to know my existence touches another and that the other knows the true me.

Consider how those three little words can make a baby laugh endlessly during a game of peekaboo. Toddlers playing tag will run and hide with total excitement upon hearing the phrase. Youth may pretend to want to keep away from a parent's line of sight, but in frustration, their desire for recognition screams from inside.

As we grow older, having already traveled through these phases, we tend to give up on the dream that anyone is ever going to see us. Still, no matter what our age, we are as worthy as the infant giggling in its mothers arms. We hold on to the hope that someday, someone will at least see the mark we've made -- the legacy -- the values and the hopes. But how?

First, to be truly seen, we must take off our disguise. Like the teenager that puts on a costume of independence, we hide our true feelings so as to protect them. After awhile, we get comfortable in our tricky outfit. We begin to fool even ourselves.

Second, we must learn to accept another's gaze. I'm unsure how to act when someone sees me. I should be at ease, confident, and calm. Instead, the attention makes me feel nervous and exposed. Courage is needed to accept the notion of being seen, naked without a mask.

Third, and most important, we must see others. I cannot make someone see me. Ploys for attention will only spotlight my ego, not my heart. What I can do is look at others in a way that offers them the same consideration I hope they would give to me...to let go of false pretense or expectations. Upon greeting someone, I shall assume they are neither innocent nor guilty, presume them to be neither kind nor cruel, or expect neither their compassion nor their judgment. I must throw away all preconceived notions so as not to get distracted from the truth. I must be willing to open my eyes.

This isn't easy; it takes practice and intention. However once the clouds lift, whether it be a child to a father, a husband to a wife, or a friend to a friend, a simple magic will come after three little words are expressed: I see you.